i don't know what's wrong with me..

i'm feeling helpless..

and i HATE the feeling of being HELPLESS..

there a certain things i hate in life..

like as i've mentioned above.. one is the feeling of helplessness..

two is being looked down upon..

three is when i can't understand myself..

i'm feeling all three of these at the same time..

*sigh*

so here i am.. sitting in my living room.. using my lappy to blog.. and the living room is full of the bubbling sounds you here in fish shops.. to some these sounds are just noises that come from fish tanks.. but to me these sounds are what's home to me.. i've grown up with this sound.. there always being fishtanks in the house ever since i can remember.. heck.. there's 7 fish tanks in my living room right now as i'm typing.. i don't know.. somehow at this period of time i feel more comfortable in the living room..

i don't know why but i'm feeling kinda sad.. i'm disappointed in myself..

he's feeling down and i can't do anything about it or cheer him up.. and being shut out.. it makes me feel so useless.. i feel sad that i can't help him or make him happy.. i really want to be there for him.. but.. haiz..

i feel a little bit like i'm being discriminated because of my poor command of chinese and the fact that i don't understand dialect like any other nomal chinese kid in singapore does.. yes.. i probably brought it upon myself.. and i guess it's kind of unappealing to the older generation.. coz supposedly it shows your heritage and you should be proud of your roots.. but hey.. i got feelings too.. so i talk funny and i don't understand what's being said at times.. and i do read subtitles.. but that doesn't make me any stupider.. i just grew up without the foundations of it all.. or simply.. i SUCK at it..

i don't know why i'm letting such small things get to me.. been some time since i last felt these feelings.. as in becoming all emotional and being reduced to such a wreck.. haiz..

don't really know what to blog about anymore.. no mood to talk about my day.. no inspiration to type about my weekend.. so i shall leave the post at that.. and hopefully i'll feel better soon and continue from where i left off..