the whole world is laughing except me.. coz they're all laughing at me..
my tagboard is as DEAD as my blog..

it's as if i'm talking to myself..

what an idiot..

haven't blogged for slightly more than a week.. and it hasn't been a very good week for me..
first thing i come back from malaysia and already things started taking a turn for the worse.. i thought that i'd be happily welcomed but first thing i get is a bad mood thrown smack in my face.. was really disappointed.. already during the trip there wasn't much contact.. unlike last time when i went to australia.. now that i'm back.. i didn't get the slightest hint that you were glad that i was back..

so i went home and showered and changed then went over to yishun.. to attend his grandma's wake.. felt really out of place.. coz i didn't know anyone else there except his family.. it was quite a grand affair.. and there were tonnes of people around.. so i stayed around to watch the rituals.. and i find out something about the ex again.. so naturally i was upset over two things already.. and maybe i was being paranoid or something but i thought that his relatives were mocking me.. coz suddenly this little girl comes up and asks me.. "why is your face so red".. coz i was having a really red sunburn on my face and i didn't want to aggrevate it by putting on makeup.. so i told her i was having a sunburn.. so she runs back to her relatives.. says something to them and they all start laughing..

in my heart i was thinking.. TMD.. all i do is to go over to pay my respects and i get made fun off.. i was already upset enough.. that just topped the cake.. and somehow all night i felt i was getting really weird stares.. i don't know.. the place didn't feel friendly.. and i just didn't like it.. and i have always hated it when people stare..

i really felt like leaving there and then.. but i didn't know where to go or what to do.. i was a stranger to that neighbourhood.. i didn't know where was what.. then like a stroke of coincidence my dad calls.. he was asking if i had cash on me to donate.. but as i didn't i told him i would go look for an atm.. yes.. i chance for me to leave.. i couldn't stand sitting there for another second..

so i just walked off.. blindly.. i didn't know where i was going.. and i definately didn't know where the atm was.. it was just hdb blocks all over.. so i walked around all over the place.. i figured the atm would be where the shops, coffeeshops, clinics blah blah blah are.. so i went around looking for it.. the place was really quiet and dark and there were hardly any people walking around.. but i was too upset to care.. so i walked around until i eventually caught sight of a coffeeshop in the distance and i walked over.. on the way some stupid kid on a bike was distrubing me.. some malay kid who i think was sec school age.. probably sec 2 or 3.. was with another 2 friends.. stupid ass.. purposely coming from behind and cutting right in front of my path.. think u can scare me..? try harder.. and when i'm angry i don't give a f*ck about you.. you'd probably get me even madder by irritating me.. so i completely ignored the jerk.. he tried cycling past me again.. but i just continued walking..

i finally reached the part where all the shops were.. but the place was freaking BIG.. and i didn't know my way.. so i asked around.. asked this woman at a bakery.. then asked another uncle who was standing outside of cheers.. the stupid ass came to disturb me again.. coz i was on this narrow path.. then he was coming from behind.. so i purposely stood in the middle of the path so he couldn't get through.. so he had no choice but to follow behind.. then when he said excuse me i ignored him for awhile before moving to the side.. as he passed he had this stupid look on his face.. but i could sense my face was about as black as bao qing tian's face.. then luckily these few uncles who sitting near the path talked to the boy.. asking him about something.. YES.. finally rid of the pest.. okay.. i know i'm a terrible person when i'm angry.. so you do not want to offend me when i'm already in a bad mood..

i finally found the atm.. drew some money and made my way back to the wake.. thinking back now.. my wandering around so late at night was pretty dangerous.. i could have been kidnapped or robbed or something.. especially when it was such a dark and quiet area.. and there were many men walking around at the shop areas.. i get pretty reckless when i'm upset..

so i went back and donated the money.. and by the the rituals had just ended.. we talked for awhile at the carpark.. then i took a cab home.. and dear followed as he didn't have an extra helmet.. came over to my place for awhile before going home..

that about wraps up my sunday..

the rest of the week.. most of it was spent on projects and stuff..

monday our aaa tutorial was cancelled.. so i was free from 1pm onwards.. we went for lunch at SIM.. had some bbq chicken with buttered rice.. pretty good.. after that i went with noorin and hongjun back to block 72 coz noorin need to d/l microsoft office into her new lappy.. noorin's lappy is SUPER COOL lar.. it's a tablet.. meaning you can turn the screen 180 degrees such that when you close the lappy the screen is facing upwards towards you.. and it is touch screen.. so you can use your fingers or those pen like thingies (dunno wad it's called) to write of it.. just like a PAD.. and best of all.. it's so SMALL.. when it's open it's only half the height of an a4 size paper (yes.. i did the comparisons.. lame i noe..) and best of all.. only 1kg..!! my god.. 1/4 of my ancient dinosaur lar.. =X wish i had one too.. wouldn't mind bringing my lappy to school everyday..

anyways.. after that we went over to tiong bahru plaze to watch "the dark".. some show about cults and this girl coming back to life after another life was taken.. the storyline was pretty good.. not like thise jap or korean ghost movies.. not really that scary.. but at one part noorin got scared til she poured a whole lot of popcorn on the floor.. lols.. =X but the ending was really confusing.. it wasn't all that clear cut.. and after the show me, noorin and hongjun were like damn blur and debating over why the show ended like that.. if someone knows can you please tell me..?

after that i went over to his place for dinner and slacked around.. watched the last episode of project runway.. yay..!! jay won..!! =X

on tuesday after school i went to meet joyce at city hall mrt then we took a train back to bishan coz she wanted to cut her hair.. we went to this salon near her house which we have been going to since like upper secondary.. i had my hair cut too.. well.. just my fringe only.. had it cut way shorter.. wanted to try something new for cny.. and since i can't cut my hair if i'm trying to grow it longer.. and i've been having the same fringe for like 2 years and it was getting boring.. i thought the short fringe made me look kinda nerd.. =X

then we went to this place in bishan to have prata.. not bad.. we wanted to order mutton curry.. our favourite.. but they ran out.. darn.. -_-" we talked and caught up with each other and then walked over to j8 to do some window shopping.. went home around 9+pm..

on wednesday me and kim skipped lecture to go to the library to borrow books for om.. then after that i met up with him.. we went to canteen 2 to eat some fruits.. then to the library to read some motorbike magazines.. then i went home around 5 coz dear had a class at 5pm.. nothing much happened back home.. watched america's next top model and worked on ief slides..

had spanish on thursday.. spanish is a really difficult language to learn.. so many things to memorize.. like what to say in formal or informal situations.. what form of the word to use when talking in feminine or masculine form.. pronounciations.. -_-" after IS met with kim to work on our om report and ief slides.. stayed in school til like 11+pm.. i waited til kim's bf came to school to pick her up before going off.. didn't want to leave her alone in school at such a late time.. lols.. i took bus 74 from school to amk mrt coz i knew the last bus for 133 had long left already.. then got dad to fetch me home from there.. me and him were on the phone when halfway he got upset at me over something i said to make fun of him.. i didn't know that he would get upset coz before when i said it he never told me and he never showed he didn't like it.. he just suddenly ignored me and didn't reply me.. so we were on the phone for like 5 minutes and no one was talking.. just complete silence.. when i reached my void deck i was like "if you don't feel like talking.. then let's hang up".. so he went "okay"..

i was rather taken aback.. what's with the attitude..?. like he should know i was joking.. coz in the past i joked about it several times.. even when we were not together yet.. and he just suddenly gave me this attitude.. not replying me when i talked and just keeping quiet.. and i had had a pretty long day and was tired.. i only got home at 12am.. so my tolerance level was pretty low.. and i still had work to do at home.. coz i hadn't prepared for my presentation yet..

on friday we met in school at 9am although our presentation was only due at 11am.. but we wanted to prepare first.. coz our slides weren't finalized and we still needed to print and photocopy stuff.. but at 11am when we were waiting outside of the classroom for miss wong to come and open up the room.. koh poh tee comes along.. my heart sank.. i was thinking.. SHIT.. YOU MEAN KOH POH TEE IS GOING TO TAKE OVER CLASS AND GRADE OUR PRESENTATION..??!! *horrified* then she shows us this notice that said class was cancelled and says that miss wong is on mc coz she had food poisoning.. *PHEW* huge sigh of relief.. we were pretty doggone happy that presentation would be delayed for another week.. which means more time to prepare.. but also meant we made a wasted trip to school..

i was supposed to meet him after school.. but seeing that there was no lunch at his place.. coz he asked his mum to da bao food for him and somehow FORGOTTEN about my share.. -_-" so i had lunch with kim, gab and hong jun before going over to his.. we initially went to holland v but when we got there we decided on going to maxwell market instead..

felt really poser there.. coz the place was pack filled with office people decked in office wear.. and we were like teenagers in formal wear trying to blend in with the adults.. i know i especially didn't look the part.. coz i was in this really short black skirt.. and i had multiple earrings.. grey coloured contacts and striking pinkish-red highlights in my hair.. oh yea.. i forgot to meantion i highlighted my hair again on thursday before school.. only 50 bucks.. 5 more than usual coz of the cny.. hope they don't fade off so fast.. anyway.. we finally got a table after much waiting.. then we shared curry chicken with rice.. mutton soup and carrot cake.. then for dessert rojak and my favourite egg jellied beancurd dessert.. YUMS.. finally got to eat it after so long and many cravings.. and toopid hongjun tried to gross me out saying that it looked like mucus and dangled it from his spoon to make it look like when it's dripping out of your nose.. TMD.. but i wasn't affected at all.. coz if i LOVE it.. nothing's gonna get in my way.. =p

after that gabby dropped us at tanjong pagar mrt then i took a train to tiong bahru.. bought some coloured shampoo from there then over to his place.. where he was sleeping like a pig.. =X okay.. he was already awake when i got there.. but he was still lying in bed.. =P we went over to town in the evening.. i went to levis to try on the princess cut levis jeans but somehow they don't look good on me.. i can't wear jeans where the material is even the slightest bit stretchable.. i look disgusting in that.. so didn't get it in the end.. maybe i'll try some other cut next time when i have the chance to shop.. so we went to cineleisure to catch cheaper by the dozen 2.. quite funny.. after that bought something to eat from bk then walked to dhoby gaut mrt to get a train home..

saturday.. back to work after 2 weeks of spending weekends away from country manna.. and paul wasn't there..!! haha.. i miss paul..!! it's not what you think huh.. i'm not flirting around and getting him as my xiao lao gong or anything.. i kinda see him like a lil brother.. someone to make fun off and just talk nonsense too.. just like working with him.. got "mo qi".. =X talked more to ming xuan this time.. maybe he'll be the next paul.. wahahahhahaa.. oh yea.. dear came over to send me to work.. coz he wanted to show off his new bike..!! -_-" i was like chey.. thought why so good suddenly want to come over just to send me to work..

after work dear came over.. we had a plan to go eat prata then go over to mustafa after that.. so we stayed in the restaurant and talked with my manager and we all went down to the carpark together.. coz dear wanted to suprise our manager with his new bike.. my manager was like damn funny.. coz he's always been wanting to buy that model.. and he liked the bike alot.. so he was test driving it around the carpark and he was like a small kid.. grinning away so happy and excited.. lolz..

we went over to the prata shop which is pretty near gwc.. i had banana and honey prata with ice cream and horlicks dinosaur.. the prata ROCKS..!! damn delicious and sweet.. =X then while dear went to the toilet i paid for the food without him knowing.. so when he came back and we were going to leave.. he went to the counter and asked for the bill.. i thought the cashier would tell him i paid already so i didn't bother to tell him.. but who knew.. the cashier went like.. "no bill".. so dear stood there looking around.. thinking that we had to wait for the guys serving the food to bring the ordersheet or something.. haha.. he looked damn blur.. i looked at the cashier and he was smiling.. so i told him i already paid.. dear was so paiseh.. wahahhahahaha.. so fun.. even the cashier tricked him.. like we tag teamed to trick dear or something.. damn funny.. the guy was like laughing too.. =X

the we headed for mustafa.. coz dear hasn't gone there before and he wanted to see what it was like.. we were walking around abit when he received an sms from his sis.. she was asking if he could send her home.. so dear told me that he needed to send me home later coz he had to fetch his sister.. i got pretty upset.. coz the day before we had discussed that either i would stay over at his or he come over to mine.. so i thought we'd be spending the day together.. ( or should i say night.. but don't think dirty okay.. =p ) so for the rest of the time i was pretty quiet and moodless..

then we rode around abit.. coz before that i mentioned we should ride around since he got his new bike.. ended up at the mac at the kallang stadium there.. dear wanted to go to the stadium but he sort of forgot how to go there.. he got a drink from mac then when were in the carpark he told me he needed to send me home coz he needed to meet his sister.. i was pretty bummed.. we go all the way there for him to tell me that.. then to make things worse.. he told me he was going to help his ex on her project stuff the next day.. i know i shouldn't be so upset about that.. but because i was already upset to begin with.. that just amplified my disappointment and upset-ness..

coz i was looking forward to sat all week.. coz finally we could spend more time with each other.. and i suggested that either i say over at his or him at mine coz i thought it would be a chance for both of us to really spend time.. coz this week we were busy and didn't see each other alot.. even if we did it was just for short whiles.. thought it was a good time since i didn't have work on sunday and he also had nothing on.. BUT.. everything just ended up the total opposite.. i wouldn't say we argued.. he talked to me.. and tried to explain.. but i didn't say anything.. i didn't feel like talking at all..

so he sent me back home then went off to pick up his sister.. but i didn't go back into my house.. i ended up walking around the neighbourhood at 3+am.. i didn't feel like going home.. was too upset.. so i walked over to the area near central.. then over to the junction near the stadium.. past serangoon park.. past ave 4.. then back to ave 2.. must have been walking around for 20-30minutes when he called.. when i told him i was walking around.. he kept asking me to go home.. i did after like 10mins..? then i told him why i was upset and all that.. then we sort of ended up argueing.. not in an angry shouting at each other manner.. but talking in serious tones kind of way..

i know that part about being upset over his ex is very childish and uncalled for.. but i can't help myself.. i know i was in the wrong and i'm sorry.. i should have thought more rationally.. i trust you and i shouldn't have mind so much about it.. i'll try to change my way of handling it.. but you have to give me some time okay.. i cannot promise that i will totally not mind at all.. but i will work towards not getting upset over it and being cool with it.. that's a promise.. =) i was just really upset we couldn't spend more time together and when you said you had forgotten about the staying over thing.. it's like i'm not important enough for you to remember.. you probably wouldn't have remembered about it if i hadn't asked you.. knowing that my whole plan to spend more time together.. like er ren she jie.. was totally ruined.. just really bummed me.. especially when the coming week will be busy again..

god.. how emo can i get..?? -_-" i'm probably the reason why my past relationships all didn't work out and i ended up getting dumped almost all the time.. coz i think to much.. *deadpans*

so even til 6am in the morning the problem wasn't solved and we put down the phone and slept on it..

which leads to today.. earlier we sort of continued argueing abit via sms.. but everything's okay now.. my eyes are kinda swollen but i'm okay.. he asked me if i had eaten lunch yet and i said no.. so he said that he would eat lunch first then come over and bring me lunch.. he bought fried rice.. and we said said our sorrys and made up.. and now he to help his ex with her project stuff.. and says he'll come back later.. i don't really feel like i mind right now.. let's hope this feeling sticks around.. i think i'm more like when i hear abt it i get upset.. when it actually happens i don't really feel that upset.. weird huh.. so after this i have to start on studying for tomorrow's aaa test..

as for kelong pics and updates.. i'm kinda abit lazy to do it now.. don't really have the time either.. but i will try to get it done as soon as possible.. just have to wait til after my projects and stuff..

i'm really sorry babe.. didn't mean to get so upset.. and i didn't get to say this yesterday.. but i think your new bike is really damn COOL..!! bigger.. more powerful.. more stylo.. and i LOVE the colour.. my favourite shade of blue.. =D (yes.. girls and colors.. that's all they care about when it comes to cars or bikes..) lolz.. but i know or thing or two more about colors okay.. =p his bike's a honda super 4 hypervtec.. 400cc.. =X

okay.. i better end here.. gotta study now.. if not he'll scold me later.. =X here's too a much happier week with no more emo outbursts..

sometimes "sorry" isn't enough to make the problem go away..