i need a confidence pill..
i'm feeling really soppy now.. specially after reading a number of really touching and sad stories about losing loved ones without having a chance to tell them how much you really love them.. just like the one in my previous post..

it case you guys want to read some of the stories.. here's the address of the webbie..

http://www.singaporebikes.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=17471

i was really disappointed with myself yesterday.. coz i failed my prac 5 once again.. but what made this time so much more disappointing was that everything was a-okay right til the very end..

it was the narrow plank.. coz i was taking a night slot and the area near the narrow plank is really dark so it was abit hard to see the instructor's hand signal to move off.. there were 2 of them so i thought i saw the main one giving me the signal to move.. when i was moving off he suddenly moved his hand again and then i got confused.. was he talking to the instructor or had i moved off at the wrong time.. by then it was too late.. i had gone too much to the left and had missed the plank.. felt like kicking myself at the very moment.. i got all the way to here only to crash and burn in the end.. and i've always not had any problems with the narrow plank the past few prac 5's i had taken before..

i'm not about to start blaming the instructors of the bad lighting.. i know and admit that it was my own mistake for getting distracted and not concentrating enough.. i just felt so let down.. i know i could have passed coz i didn't make any other mistakes..

i tried to pretend to be alright after i got back to the reporting area after the assessment coz i had friends around.. i tried to convince myself that i was alright.. but deep down it really sucked.. it starts to get really disheartening after you keep failing over and over again.. especially when you came so close.. then something happened that made me feel even more suckier and disappointed in myself.. i lost it at that.. i tried really hard to fight back.. but i just couldn't.. i faced towards where nobody could see me.. and a few tears slid down.. felt so low at that point of time.. i know that i shouldn't let such things get me down.. but i really couldn't help it at that point of time.. i quickly wiped them away while trying not to make it so obvious.. and i went back to "pretend to be alright" mode..

i don't know why i can't handle disappointment well.. maybe i need help to learn how to control them

one more thing that made it suck even more was.. i only got 2 points.. that's like the minimum number of demerit points you can get.. coz what i've heard is that they never give 0 marks.. so the next least number is 2.. how the *toot* can i get almost perfect marks and yet still f*ck up my narrow plank..?? oh god..



enough about wallowing in my stupidity.. anyway.. after my prac i headed down to great world city to meet up with paul, raymond and mingxuan.. got myself a drink from coffee bean to cheer myself up.. malibu dream.. strawberry + banana.. i got it even though it's expensive and i didn't have all that much cash on me.. we went to the arcade to pass time.. me and paul played house of the dead 4.. it's fun.. but it's damn tiring to have to shake the gun whenever you needed to reload or break free from the momos.. i even played til i got a blister on my right middle finger.. .... -_-"

then we met with jasmine and jacob and went over to kim seng to play pool.. dear joined us there.. we played til 12+am.. i think i improved abit.. or at least i won one round.. and the rest i lost was by 1-3 balls.. =X stayed over at dear's..

today i woke up at 1.30pm.. been pretty long since i last woke up that late.. slacked at his place til he came back after work.. we had dinner.. then we headed over to town..

our first stop was heeren coz dear wanted to get a new pair of speckies (specs) for himself.. and he took an uber long time doing so.. holy cow.. i think he spent at least half an hour before finally deciding on a frame that he liked.. and then spent a long time figuring out which lense shape suited him best.. then he still had to get his eyesight tested to determine what degree his lenses need to be.. i think he can compete with me in shopping already.. =X guys can be so vain at times.. lalalalallalalalalallalla..

then we went over to the cathay to buy tickets to watch grafield 2.. as dear owed be a ben&jerry's treat and there was still time before the show.. we went to ben&jerry.. we got a mix & match.. sweet cookies & cream + chunky monkey + new york cookie dough (i think) and caramel sauce in a waffle bowl.. i should say that the ice cream was bittersweet.. coz the icecream was sweet to the taste (duh!) but the atmosphere was pretty bitter coz dear was in a bad mood..






*bittersweet*

the movie was damn cute and funny.. i recommend everyone to go watch it.. i just LOVE garfield..!! the lazy lagsania-loving cable-tv-surfing hunk-of-fat.. =D


garfield..

then after the movie i was supposed to stay over at his place again.. but on the ride home we got into an arguement.. it continued to his block void deck.. and he got so upset that he just went to the lift and went up by himself.. i was dumbfounded.. i didn't know what to do.. and in my upset state.. i aimlessly walked around his neighbourhood.. at 11+pm.. then i decided to walk all the way to tiong bahru plaza from telok blangah cresent.. i don't know why i suddenly wanted to do that.. i could have gone and caught the bus and catch the train home.. but when i'm upset i don't feel like going home if i have the choice.. i prefer to be somewhere that is quiet and i won't have people looking at me even if i start crying.. i also do stupid things when i'm upset.. just like walking around alone at ulu places at ungodly or late hours..

so i tried to recall the route the bus takes to get to tiong bahru plaza.. it was a really slow walk.. but i enjoyed the breeze caused by the vehicles passing by and the quietness.. thoughts kept going through my head about our arguement.. eventually i got to tiong bahru.. so pround of myself for remembering the way there.. i think people who passed by me on my "journey" must have thought me mad.. one lonely girl expression-less carrying a helmet walking by herself..

eventually dear came over to fetch me home after he learnt where i was.. and we made up after we got back to my place..

again.. i am really sorry dear..

i found this in someone's signature in a forum.. and thought it was damn cute..

what's this.. *suspicious* ah ha..!! *shocked* you bitch..!! *fuming*

okay.. that's all for now.. it's already 5am.. gonna go try to sleep.. tomorrow's gonna be another slack day.. don't have anything on.. probably catch up with school stuff like the ib presentation, cem project and dt thingy that i've seen in my e-mails.. only got to see them today since i NEVER check my e-mail.. shit.. i seem to be damn lagging when it comes to school stuff.. arghs.. feel like highlighting my hair.. but not the bottom parts since they're already so spoilt.. only the top and middle sections.. it only costs 45 at s'goon central.. hmm... okay.. that was really off topic.. good night (good morning) everyone..


momo.. (dear knows what this is.. =X)

this song's dedicated to you babe.. =D *mwuahs*


what dreamy eyes.. =X

For You I Will (Confidence)

Alright, yeah

I'm wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, For you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, For you I will, For you I will

For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood (yeah) I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
Yeah

That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you, yeah

Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, For you I will, For you I will

For you I will